1. ‘Can we get a pretty kit?’
Between fixing our hair on the field or wearing leggings because our tan isn’t right. How we look even when we are all sweaty and covered in mud is of the upmost importance.
It’s no surprise that women have a completely different colour chart in comparison to men. This creates a range of challenges when attempting to coordinate a new kit and tracksuit!
2. The squealer’s.
There is always that one overly girly girl who squeals every time they get the ball… Or give away the ball… Or get tackled… Or dirty…or taken off.. Or, well, it’s pretty endless.
3. Wardrobe malfunctions can be detrimental.
There’s always that one busty girl who tends to forget the essential sports bra. She usually spends the majority of the match fixing her bra straps or trying to hold her boobs to stop them from hitting her up the face while she runs for the ball.
4. Drama, oh the drama!!
There is no such thing as playing your best team because if wee Betty doesn’t get on before that other bitch that never goes to training then, fuck, are you in for an earful.
5. No one wants to manage you.
And you can’t possibly imagine why? We are all a great bunch girls. Really dedicated. We had 6 at training last week after all!!
6. Travel time is essential.
That extra 15 minutes travel time is a necessity in women’s football because meet at the club at 6:30 sharp in reality means meet at the club at quarter to seven… We’ll have a chat… We need to scrape a team together… Start ringing people.. She looks slightly sporty, she’s wearing trainers, ask her if she fancies a game… We need to go to the shop… Oh fuck we forgot the kit… Ok we’re ready to leave… What do you mean we’re late?
7. The keeper is the most important player.
Why? Because if your regular keeper can’t make it then there will be all out war when you name the person you are throwing into nets. Tears and tantrums are inevitable, but we still can’t imagine why nobody wanted to coach us this year?!
8. We have a pretty small fan base.
Usually a collection of dads and boyfriends who have wandered up just to get out of the house. Although they do give the best encouragement.
‘No that own goal wasn’t your fault.’
‘You’s are definitely getting better.’
‘That team were just bigger than you’s, they were like men.’
Best Supporters Ever!!
9. The excuses for not training are original.
‘I can’t make training I have to do my tan for tomorrow night. ‘
‘I’m not going he didn’t put me on last week. ‘
‘I’ve a date, can’t make it. ‘
‘I just don’t feel like it tonight.’
‘I’m not going if *insert the name of the person you hate* is going.’
10. The men’s team ruin everything.
For some strange reason the men’s senior squad who play in division one and have over 40 guys at trainings seem to take precedence over the ladies division three squad who train once a week (sometimes). There is clearly no explicable reason for this besides sexism you bunch of prejudice bastards.